Tuesday, June 21, 2005

From www.suchetadalal.com

This was sent to me by a friend and is obviously circulating on the Net. Read it with a sense of humour please!!

Wipro-ism

You have two cows. You go to Stanford. Then you come back to India and work your ass off. You get 33 million cows. You keep them all of them.

Infosys-ism

You have no cows. You go hitch-hiking to Bulgaria and get arrested. You come back to India and work your ass off. You get 36 million cows. But you give 35.9 million of them to your employees. You still sweep the floor at home.

Phaneesh Murthy-ism

You have two cows. You like running after other cows. Uh oh...

TCS-ism

You have a zillion cows. You refuse to share them with your employees because you need them to subsidise your other businesses. Your employees are one really pissed off bunch.

Hindustan Lever-ism

You have lots of cows. You sell all of them and keep just 30 cows, on whom you will focus your attention. Oh shit, your farm is still in the doldrums

Nirma-ism

You have two cows. You sell the milk at rock-bottom prices, forcing your competitors to panic and re-look at their whole way of doing business. You make really irritating jingles

Reliance-ism

You have no cows so you go to Aden to milk other people’s cows. You come back to India and start a small egg business. Then you integrate furiously: chickens, ducks, goats, sheep, cattle, cattle-feed, cattle-feed machinery, etc etc etc. You end up with one humongous farm. You die. Your daughters-in-law hate each other. So what happens to the farm now?

Tata-ism

You have lots of cows. They are big and lazy and slow-moving, but at least they’re clean

Birla-ism

Your grandfather had lots of cows, but he had a really lousy reputation. Your father and you clean up that reputation. And now you have even more cows than before. Well done!

Britannia-ism

You have two cows. You work your ass off and build a great farm with lots of cattle and lots of dairy products. Your employer thinks you’re too big for your boots and sacks you. Don’t worry, at least you’ve got a few cows from the deals you’ve made on the side

Sahara-ism

You have lots and lots of cows. Everybody wonders who the actual owner is.

DCM-ism

You have a million cows. You and your family squabble over them. You lose them. You now have two cows.

Ogilvy-ism

You have two cows. Hey, who cares about milking them?! All you want is to win lots of awards, along with your brothers and nephews and uncles and ….

Vinay Isloorkar adds these:

Harshad-ism

There are no cows here. All bull. And at the end of the day bullshit for the investor.

Kautilya-ism

You have two cows. You take them to the market and free them there. In the ensuing chaos, you run away with all the goodies when you can. Because after all we must believe in free markets. Where else can you get such stuff for free?

Shourie-ism

You have a tabela full of cows. The navratnas included. You fatten them and take them to the bazaar. You sell them in the morning more for the fat than the cow. In the heat of the market, at the end of the day, the cows look thin and pale. All the fat's melted away.The buyer wants to get rid of them in a hurry. You buy them back at the going rate.At godhuli time,you have your cows and the fat too. The trick is not to let the glee show at any point of time.

Chidambarm-ism

You have two cows. You make them graze on either side of the fence.You convince both the cows that the grass is greener on the other side.You yourself sit on the fence.

...additions to the list are welcome.

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